On the Day after St. Valentine’s…

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“It’s the day after St. Valentine’s! And am done…

“Decision taken!

“No, no, no. It’s not like every time… this time it’s for real. This time isn’t the same as the one before, or the one before that, or even the one before it, this time is Now! And Now is the day after St. Valentine’s; the day I have finally flipped that page and announced you a memory that I accept from my past, a memory that I don’t have to fight or run away from, because it doesn’t hurt me, weaken me, or affect me anymore.

“Yes, Cherie! On the day after St. Valentine’s, I went to the top of my building, there was a giant celestial bird waiting for me. It laid down its wings and upon it, I threw away everything. I threw away the passion of our moments together, I threw away the dreams you weaved in my mind and kept growing till they had full control over me, I threw away the broken dignity, and I threw away the songs, the scents, and all the irksome memories.

” As the bird flew away with everything that is you in me, the wind blew viciously. I gasped and my heart was pumping so hard like it was trying to burst out of my chest, like it was trying to race after the flying bird! For a second, my eyes couldn’t see anything but your picture, but that was only for a one last time… ’cause as the wind eased, my heart slowed down and it wasn’t hurting anymore. Suddenly, I was able to see everything around me; lovely beautiful things, so many blessings, so many colors, so many adorable scents promising so many new memories, and so many people, with lots of stories for me to take part in, but finally you were not one of them! Among all the things I was seeing around me for the first time, at last I wasn’t seeing you anymore.St-Valentines_Day_Wallpapers_paper_hearts

“I can see a half smile forming lazily on the corner of your mouth as you read this, thinking this can’t be true! But true it is. This is not just another romantic blabber of a woman who is hurt spending the Valentine on her own or single, simply because I wasn’t alone or single. You and I know that I can never be alone on St. Valentine’s day. And you also know that you were thinking and wondering, if on this special day, I was still hooked to you!

“This is exactly why I am ending this state of no peace, no war. The state of not knowing if you are mine or not, if I am yours or not, if you are in my life or not, or if I am in your life or not; if you are a lover or a friend, and if am a lover or a friend or just someone you want to have on the shelf?!

“Looking back, I was always hanging loose, letting you swing me over a cliff, because you were not decided whether you want to lift me or push me off and out of your life. It has always been You deciding about us. And I was always waiting for your next step, for your choice, for what you are going to decide; every time with a renewed hope, every time wishing that your heart will finally guide you to the right thing, but every time I remained dangling in the air, and every time you’d disappear, come back and apologize, and instead of picking me up, you push me once more in the air. But have you ever thought that my arms may hurt me eventually that I might even push myself off the cliff?!

” ‘Let’s draw a line under us and just be friends, at least’ Friends?! But you don’t even know how to be a friend! Ok, wait a minute, you don’t know how to be the friend I expect you to be, and I can’t keep compromising my expectations for you!

“So let’s just say you want to remain an acquaintance, because lately it seemed you are trying to fit yourself comfortably into that zone. Is it that easy for you then? It wasn’t a trick to keep me close to you? It wasn’t a way to have me back again? You were not really awake at night thinking of us; you were not day-dreaming or drawing in your mind the way you will wrap me up in your arms so hard next time we meet? You actually want to convince me we are just friends now? Fine then! So why can’t you take it when I treat you as one?

“The minute you sense I am not hung up on you anymore, you wait for a chance to bring up memories or speak sweetly of what we used to be. Throw a something here or there to weaken me once more, to hear a word from me, or see any sign or gesture that would satisfy your ego; proving I am not over you and that it is all really a façade am attempting  to maintain

“But then again, I know it’s all futile! I just can’t accept us being friends. I don’t know how you can do it, but I can’t pretend ‘We’ didn’t take place. I can’t act the world was never dismantled and rearranged in perfect harmony whenever we were together.

“I admit I accepted all this friendship talk thinking it was just an excuse, because you can’t bear being away from me, or may be because you are confused at the moment, and it will just be a matter of time before you realize the mistake you are doing.

“But I have finally realized the mistake am doing. You have chosen to move on. Or let me correct that, you never arrived at that point where I was in the first place. Regardless of whatever you will try to say to convince me that you did love me, I am in no position to believe my heart now, it seems my mind and logic were right all along, I just shushed them, trusting my heart was an authority. They were all right. You were just having a jolly good time with whatever available elements you have.

“Well, it might have started the same way with me, but it didn’t stop there. I would have never ventured any deeper, if I didn’t hear that calling. Obviously again, that was just me. You couldn’t switch off the game mode and admit that may be this is one game you are losing because it is turning into a reality, for you could just be standing before someone who can add a new depth to your life. You didn’t really take that surmounting surrounding energy seriously, you refused to be receptive of the World’s greatest gift, because you just had a previously set plan. Nevertheless, the game was turning against you.

“Tough situation; you can’t let me change your plans and you can’t let me go either, because both ways it means you’ve lost!

“So on the day after Valentine’s, I am the one who is letting you go. I am pushing myself off the cliff, and it’s not a dark abyss that I am hurling myself into, for I can clearly see my road, and your face is not hanging around its corners. Not anymore.Cliff

“No longer would your memories steal away from me many special moments to come, with so many special people, who know the world doesn’t revolve around me, but make me feel it does.

“I am writing you this because I just want to say thank you. Because of you, I have learnt how beautiful I am, how far I can love, and how far I can go for my love. I have learnt how strong I can be and how willful. But most important of all, thank you because you were the reason I am no longer in love with you.

“I am writing you this not because am secretly hoping you’d come after me. I am simply writing it, because I believe in our right for closures. And as I flip this page forever and ever, I thought you have to know, you are now just another story in the book of my life, and that I am writing your ending at this moment. There will never be ‘Us’ again. The bitter-sweet memories will never mean that I want you back. They simply mean I am going through a nice story in my head.

“On the day after Valentine’s, am throwing you off the cliff. You will never haunt me anymore, but I know you will always be haunted by me, because you’ve thrown away the world’s greatest gift: my love. ”

She looked at him one last time, blinked away two drops of tears from her eyes, put her letter into his palm while he stared back at her in awe. She whispered “Goodbye” into his ears, turned around, walked away and smiled. She never looked back, for it was so beautiful ahead of her…

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This entry was posted in Fiction, Goodbye, Love, Memories, St. Valentine's Day, thoughts and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to On the Day after St. Valentine’s…

  1. Doaa Nour says:

    very true and sincere, ur words were strong enough to reach the truth that’s hidden deep in the broken hearts…

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